I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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