Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
