Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
