I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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