And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
