Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize