Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
