So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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