my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think i got beer on your cat.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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