Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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