you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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