it wasn't lemon gatorade
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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