You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
