Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
