She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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