True but thats because hes a fetus.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
