She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How's work?
Spinning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Pooping to opera.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
