I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do vagina's smell?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
FUCK WHALES
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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