"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
