this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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