Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
