You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
