As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
