My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
