You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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