I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
