Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
