Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
