I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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