I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
