I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
