the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
