then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
