kristin has been a bad kristin
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
