Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
