had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
