You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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