I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
