my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
