grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
