I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
