yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
