he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
