what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
