got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
