yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize