4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
