i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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