I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
