All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
