thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
