I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
