Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
