My hand turned me down
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
