If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
