so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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