I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
