i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
