I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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