there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
