I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
