Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize