You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
