I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
