she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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