i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
