In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
