I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Are we still banned from the library?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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