It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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