before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
