and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
