Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
