Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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