If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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