I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
