you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
