Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
