I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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