so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
