That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
