goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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