i just wanna soil my oats bro
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
