the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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