Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
