it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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