I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
