Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
