Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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