And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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