He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
