So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
