The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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