We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
