Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
